Every two years I’m required to re-certify my coaching credentials and this year I attended a few modules that were run by past and present NHL hockey coaches. As each coach was going through their topics, they all started with something like, “This is what we do,” and proceeded to go through how they ran their practices, strategies for the game and training requirements. Their important lessons were lined with the single message of – “If you’re going to be on this team, you’re expected to do these things.” By managing expectations, a coach (or any leader) can set the tone for how things are going to get done, how success is going to be measured and how each person fits into “the team”.
Why Setting Expectations is Important
How many times have you walked into a quarterly or yearly review and been nervous? Nervous because you don’t know how you’re going to be rated or nervous because you’re not sure what side of the bed your boss woke up on. You feel you had a good year and you think you did good… I mean, everyone loves you so what do you have to be nervous about?! Sound familiar?
The truth is that we are not good at setting expectations in any aspect of our lives. With our kids, with out partners, with our co-workers / peers, with our bosses, the list can go on. How awesome would it be to walk into a situation and have someone (hopefully a leader) sit you down and say:
- Here is what we are doing.
- Here is the role you will be playing.
- While you’re working in this role, you need to perform in these areas.
- To be successful, you need to perform within those areas in these ways.
- Your performance will be measured in how you perform in those areas (if you’re getting paid).
- We will address your performance in this interval (if you’re getting paid).
If you are working for a company, how productive and effective would you be if you knew exactly what was going on, what role you were responsible for playing, the definition of success and how you were going to be measured on that definition? How many people are employed at places which they have no business being at (sometimes for 10, 15, 20 years) because they haven’t been told, and held accountable, for these simple things? Most importantly, how many amazing team members have quit a job when this simple outline would have kept them happy and motivated?
Take Control of Your Situation
For this post, I want to keep it simple so I’ll be giving general guidance on how you can take control of your situation starting today. If you feel you’re stuck or you have a general feeling of disconnect in what you’re doing, start asking yourself these simple questions:
- What is this thing I’m a part of?
- What are we doing this for?
- What role am I playing?
- What am I responsible for?
- Am I doing it well?
I am willing to bet that ANYONE can answer the first three questions but most cannot answer with certainty the last two because someone hasn’t told them what they are responsible for or they haven’t sat down with their partner, kids, family, etc. to explicitly discuss expectations, roles and responsibilities.
If you are involved in any kind of business relationship where you are providing a service, I highly encourage you to sit down with your customer and complete the following sentences:
- You have hired me (or my company) to _____.
- Our agreement is _____.
- Within this agreement, I am (we are) responsible for _____.
- I can measure success of my (our) efforts by ____.
Please keep in mind, people have written books on this topic and I’m barely scratching the surface. However, these simple questions and statements are extremely powerful. I can guarantee you that the majority of the population in this world contributing to anything can become happier and healthier by asking these questions.
Achieving clarity by establishing expectations will only serve you for the better and help you create an environment where everyone knows where the ship is going, what they’re responsible and what’s expected of them.
A Word of Caution
First, expectations and sticky situations are messy… It’s not practical to expect to be able to apply this objectively to your personal relationships because personal relationships are voluntary and typically have much more emotion than your professional relationships.
Also, expectations will always change as time goes on. A new hire will have different expectations than that same person 6 – 12 months later. In a personal relationship, the expectations will scale as time goes on and as dependents (dogs, cats, kids, etc.) are added.
If you work for someone (e.g. you have a boss) and you’re all fired up about clarifying expectations because I’ve told you that you can be happier, take a few breaths and think pragmatically. You need to try to understand if you either have a bad boss that just doesn’t care or a boss that doesn’t know any better. Chances are it’s the latter; so, I highly recommend you take a softer approach to clarifying expectations.
Finally, while the points I’ve outlined are useful in most situations, you need to make sure you are always thinking practically so that you don’t come off too forceful with your approach. This is a very powerful mindset to have and one that can be very off-putting if you come on too strong.
Ultimately, You are Responsible for You
If I’m going to live to be 80, I only have 375,648 hours left before I move on to the next level of consciousness. I will spend 93,912 of those hours sleeping so, that leaves me with 281,736 hours of time I’m responsible for. I want to make sure every ounce of my energy is spent doing things that are fulfilling, provide a sense of belonging and help me create a legacy that my family can thrive from. No matter what, I own my time.
You have got to realize that your time is too precious to be wasted worrying about what’s expected of you. You must get clear and take ownership of the time you have on this earth.